Visit Quilox, goto Ikorodu by Danfo & 11 other things Mark Zuckerberg must do in Nigeria

Notice we said when, not if (do we know something you don’t?). Anyway, we were saying we had suggestions for experience we’d like Mark Zuckerberg to have on a visit to Nigeria. We know there will be a state visit – every important visitor gets that – so let’s leave that aside.

Here are 13 things we’ve come up with…

A trip to Ikorodu by Danfo

Yes he has to dive straight in. In fact we suggest straight from the airport because if he’s going to get that diarrhea, it better be early on during the trip because we have so much more exciting things planned out

We’ve already established that he’ll be in Lagos first (where would you rather?), so how about we lodge him somewhere in Ikorodu and take him there by our peculiar means of transportation. Since he’s all about connecting, we’ll show him how to connect. With 18 (or more) other human bodies. Maybe even a verbal exchange with a conductor or the Danfo driver.

Driving in Lagos

What would a visit to Nigeria be if Mark didn’t experience first-hand the crazy experience that is navigating through Lagos. From traffic on the 3rd Mainland to a few harassments law enforcement run-ins with the LASTMA, Nigeria Police, KAI and who knows who else is out there.

Balogun MarketWe just want to see his facial expression when he sees his face on shirts hanging of stall walls or even being shoved in his very face by our Ibo brothers.

Hard Rock Café

We aren’t all about that hard life Zuckerberg needs to drop some of that Facebook cash at a few over-priced restaurants around town. We’ll start with Hard Rock Café.

Club Quilox

Ever gone to a Nigerian party, Zuck? He’ll definitely have the time of his life watching as Nigerian party rocker do some serious damage to the bottles.

MFM

He definitely has to watch an MFM deliverance session!

Go to The Shrine

He’s definitely heard the legend of Fela. He’ll finally experience how it feels to be in his presence.

Take a Nigerian airline

We’ll take him out of Lagos but only by air. Arik? Aero? Anyone of them really. We’d like him to experience air travel in Nigeria. The flight delays … The in-flight food! Hopefully they serve something that won’t shame us. Maybe a day-old bons doughnut.

Roadside food!

There are so many options here. Boli, Boiled corn and ube?, Suya? Perhaps, Gala and La Casera in traffic! Governor Ambode give the hawkers and traders a day’s pass please.

Owambe

What’s a trip to Nigeria without attending a Nigerian wedding? Imagine Mark Zuckerberg as a Yoruba demon! Oh and we have to go early too. Don’t want to risk missing out on the small chops action.

Meet a few of our celebrities

Let him know what a real American accent sounds like.

Go to Calabar!

Hopefully during the carnival season. He’ll have so much fun! And maybe get to know why dog’s are really man’s best friends.